


The End Of All Things

by i_am_NOT_french



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jeremy is a mess, M/M, Mental Illness, Michael is pining, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Post-Squip, like really hard, michael is trying his best, nothing explicit though, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-16 19:12:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11835198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_NOT_french/pseuds/i_am_NOT_french
Summary: Jeremy is a mess™, Michael tries his best™, it's more gay than I imagined it would be™, ft. Brendon Urie™





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaaand I'm back! Sorry I haven't posted, I was in New York. (I met Laura Dreyfuss ok but that's a story for another time) I hope this is okay, I kind of forced this one along since I needed to write something. I rant a lot through Jeremy so if I post more often it might just be angst, sorry. Anyway, hope you enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated. !!I LOVE COMMENTS!! So please comment or whatever lmao. Muah! Thank you for reading!

"Jer?"

A muffled whimper on the opposite phone line.

"Are you alright?"

"...Micha-" Jeremy started, before a burst of heavy sobs tumbled out of his mouth.

"I'm coming over, bud, please hang in there. I'll be there in five."

Michael understood that this happened with Jeremy a lot, especially post-Squip, but that didn't stop the dread pooling in his stomach. Since the Squip was deactivated, it left gashes in Jeremy's life. His self-hatred quadrupled, and every step he took seemed to be in fear. 

He quickly dropped his video game controller, shoving his phone in his pocket. Michael stumbled towards the front door, sloppily pulling on his shoes in the process.

The Filipino teen's hands trembled as the twisted the keys in the ignition of his PT Cruiser, hastily pulling out of the driveway.

He will admit that he might have been speeding a little, and he was thankful no police officers were around.

Michael arrived at Jeremy's in what seemed to be seconds, even though his best friend lived a few blocks down. His head felt heavy and fuzzy, and he prayed that Jeremy was alright. He thought about last time this happened, and his stomach turned.

_Blood covered the sink, floor, and Jeremy, and it seeped into his favorite cardigan. A razor clattered to the floor as Jeremy's wide eyes fluttered at the sight of Michael standing in the doorway. "I'm sorry," the small boy whispered._

Michael shoved the memory aside as tears threatened to spill out of his chocolate eyes. Jeremy was his best friend: he wouldn't, and couldn't, let that happen again. 

He clambered up Jeremy's front steps, not bothering to knock. The door easily swung open, revealing a shivering brunet huddled on the wood floor, right in front of the entrance.

Jeremy's hair was damp with sweat, clinging to his forehead, and his head drooped. His eyes were so puffy that they were almost closed, and the dark circles under his eyes made his face seem sunken in and empty. He was a mess, but still Michael thought he looked absolutely...beautiful.

"Jeremy," Michael sputtered, skidding to the floor and crouching by his side.

Jeremy's gaze was miles away; Michael didn't even know if his best friend knew he was there. This happened now, too. Jeremy would completely zone out when he had panic attacks, sometimes for hours on end. Both boys were terrified of this happening, and Michael did everything he could to keep Jeremy from reaching this point.

Michael shifted so he was sitting in front of Jeremy.

"Hey, Miah, can you hear me?" He gently asked, carefully taking Jeremy's hand. He rubbed circles on the pale skin with his thumb, and eventually Jeremy's focus shifted to Michael.

"Mike," he meekly murmured. His eyes were half-lidded, and it seemed to be a struggle for Jeremy to keep them open.

"Please talk to me," Michael begged, grasping Jeremy's hand tighter.

"I-Michael-pleasehelpmeicantstopit," Jeremy sobbed, his shoulders hunching. He pulled his hand free from Michael's, forcefully rubbing his eyes.

"Jeremy, hey," Michael soothed, pulling Jeremy's hands from his eyes.

The small boy looked so fragile, so vulnerable, and Michael felt his heart twist at the sight. Jeremy continued to sob, his breathing speeding up rapidly until he was close to hyperventilation.

"Breathe with me, Miah, please," Michael whispered, urging Jeremy to follow his deep breaths. Jeremy's breathing eventually went somewhat back to normal, as did his shaking. His eyes were wild with fear as he continued.

"I'm just-" he hiccuped before continuing. "So scared that...it...is going to come back."

Michael gently wiped the tears off Jeremy's cheek, letting his hand linger on the side of his face. Jeremy leaned into the touch, his ocean eyes fluttering closed.

"If it does, we're gonna kick its ass, man," Michael lightly chuckled. Jeremy managed a weak smile, which was certainly better than nothing.

"I'm not going to leave you. I'll always be right here, alright? We're in this together."

As soon as the words left Michael's mouth, Jeremy launched himself into Michael lap, sobbing into his hoodie. Michael wrapped his arms around the brunet, pulling him into his chest.

Michael nestled his nose in Jeremy's soft curls, lightly rubbing his best friend's back as sobs racked his body.

"I'm...I'm sorry," Jeremy whimpered. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for, _mahal ko_ ," Michael sighed.

"Whasitmean," Jeremy mumbled. Michael chuckled.

"Take a guess," he urged.

Jeremy groaned, pressing his head farther in the the crook of Michael's neck. He paused, mumbling something incoherent.

"Speak up, bud," Michael murmured, still holding Jeremy close.

"Will you...uh..sing?" Jeremy stammered.

"Of course, _palanggâ_ ," Michael said. "Any requests?" He asked, softly chuckling.

Jeremy shrugged, shifting in Michael's arms so their noses were almost touching.

Michael smiled lopsidedly, and began singing the first song that came to mind.

_Whether near or far,_

_I am always yours._

_Any change in time_

_We are young again._

_Lay us down,_

_We're in love._

_Lay us down,_

_We're in love._

Jeremy's eyes lit up in recognition of the Panic! At The Disco song, and he began to hum softly along with Michael's singing.

_In these coming years,_

_Many things will change._

_But the way I feel_

_Will remain the same._

Michael gently wiped a tear away that was streaming down Jeremy's freckled cheek.

_Lay us down,_

_We're in love._

_Lay us down,_

_We're in love._

Michael's voice faded out as the song ended, and he found that Jeremy's eyes had fluttered closed, and his chest rose and fell calmly.

He carefully stood, cradling the sleeping boy in his arms, and carried him across the house to his bedroom.

The teen placed Jeremy on his bed, rearranging his stick-like limbs, and tucked the pale blue comforter around him.

Michael reached out, brushing a honey-colored curl from Jeremy's face. He noted how peaceful the boy looked: despite the tear stains streaking his face, an almost-smile was evident. 

God, Michael would do anything for this boy.

He sunk down on the edge of the bed, deeply sighing, and ran a hand through his dark hair.

" _Mahal ko_ ," he whispered. "It means my love."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here's the next chapter. I wrote this without power so I hope it's alright (hurricane irma is a bitch). It's not as good as the first chapter, but I hope it'll do. Let me know about typos and such, and constructive criticism is always welcome. Enjoy!

Michael woke to the sound of thunder, a deep boom that seemed to rush straight to his bones.

He sat up, woozy from sleep, and took in his surroundings. He had fallen asleep curled up at the foot of Jeremy's bed, worried about his friend after the previous night's events.

Speaking of Jeremy, he was no where to be seen. Michael was alone in the bedroom, only accompanied by the soft patter of rain on the roof.

Michael slowly stood, stretched, and adjusted his glasses. He heard water running in the bathroom behind the closed door, and softly knocked.

"Jeremy?"

A pause. "Come in," came a quiet voice.

Michael tentatively turned the knob, and found his best friend standing in front of the mirror, his hands under the running water. Steam rose from the sink and fogged up the base of the mirror, but Jeremy didn't seem to notice how hot the water was.

"Miah, what are you doing?" He sighed as he gently pulled Jeremy's hands out from under the water, and dried them off with a hand towel.

His hands were a deep red, but didn't seem to be blistered.

Jeremy slowly met his eyes, but he seemed to shrink in on himself under Michael's gaze.

"Sorry," he whispered.

Michael merely frowned and turned off the water.

"How are you?"

Jeremy hesitated. "Empty," he muttered, shrugging.

Michael pushed Jeremy's hair out of his eyes, trying to ignore the lovely fluttering feeling in his stomach.

"That's okay, _kaibigan_. Maybe-" he paused. "One day you won't be."

"Are you sure?" Jeremy asked meekly.

"Yes."

He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, who seemed to melt into Michael's embrace.

Jeremy's curls seemed impossibly soft, and his hair smelled like strawberries.

Michael fought the urge to hold this boy in his arms forever, to never let go; to protect him from his own mind, because he knew that Jeremy didn't deserve any of what he put himself through.

He was so much more than what he thought of himself; it didn't seem fair to Michael that someone so amazing and beautiful could think so little of everything that he was.

But, instead, he let Jeremy pull away as his stomach rumbled loudly.

"Hungry?" Michael chuckled.

Jeremy shyly smiled.

"Yeah."

"What do you feel like?"

Jeremy cringed, as if embarrassed of his choice.

"IHOP?"

Michael smiled. "Sure, but it's storming pretty badly, so you should probably change into something warmer," he added, gesturing to Jeremy's thin shirt and yoga pants.

The brunet nodded, and the pair turned to get ready.

~~~

"Run!" Jeremy shrieked, as rain pounded on the two as they sprinted across the IHOP parking lot.

Both teens stumbled into the restaurant, soaked, shivering, out of breath, and laughing.

"Dude, that storm is fucking boss," Michael grinned, but quickly slapped a hand over his mouth as a mother with two small kids angrily glared at him.

"Seriously," Jeremy panted. "How is it so cold? It's barely September."

Michael chuckled as a waitress led them to their table.

"No joke," he agreed.

As they sat down, Michael took in the boy's appearance in front of him. Jeremy's hair was wet and stuck to his forehead, and his pale cheeks were a rosy pink. He wore a yellow hoodie, and looked stunning in it.

Realizing his best friend had caught his gaze, Michael jerked his head down, pretending to be occupied by the menu in front of him. He felt his cheeks burn and prayed Jeremy couldn't see.

The two ordered orange juice and chocolate chip pancakes, and obsessed over Jenna's newest gossip.

"No, wait wait," Jeremy gasped, his face flushed red from laughing. "She said that Chloe got sky high, right? She ordered 37 orders of Pinkberry. THIRTY SEVEN! And she had it delivered to her house! Brooke and Jenna were there, and they lost their sHIT!"

Michael tightly pressed a hand to his mouth to keep from spewing orange juice.

"Oh my god," he cried, doubled over.

Their laughter finally died down as the two finished their meal.

"How are your hands?" Michael carefully asked after a while.

"Better," Jeremy nodded. "I'm...I'm sorry that happened. I'm not sure...what I was doing?"

"Hey, don't apologize. It's alright," Michael reassured, reaching out and squeezing Jeremy's hand.

Once Michael had paid for breakfast (ignoring Jeremy's protests), the two sloshed through the puddles back to the PT Cruiser.

"You pick the music," Michael jokingly sighed, and Jeremy grinned, deciding on Heathers The Musical.

"We still have-" Jeremy paused, checking the time. "Around five hours until my dad gets back from that business trip. What should we do?"

Michael tossed Jeremy a sly grin. "Let's pull a JD."

Jeremy mock-gasped. "We CANNOT shoot up the school, Michael Mell! Besides, it's Saturday."

The Filipino pretended to be hurt. "I meant get a slushee." He stuck out his bottom lip. "What kind of person do you think I am, Jeremiah?"

The two cackled, and Michael began to drive towards 7/11. However, Jeremy seemed to space out more and more on the ride there. His eyes had a sort of glaze to them, and his shoulders drooped.

When Michael parked, he turned to Jeremy before pulling the keys out of the ignition.

"You okay, bud?"

Jeremy's deep blue eyes focused on Michael.

 _I can drown in his eyes,_ Michael subconsciously thought _. If he would let me._

"I want to die."

These words rushed out of Jeremy's mouth so quickly Michael thought he had imagined them.

"W-What?"

"I think-I really want to die, Michael. There's been this-feeling," he gestured before continuing. "Like, a longing almost? And I figured out what it is. The longing is for...nothing? Not being here? It feels like...everything would be easier if I wasn't...alive?"

Michael felt something break inside of him as Jeremy continued.

"The Squip...made me believe a lot of shit. I thought it would get better, now that it's gone, but...Michael, it's worse than ever."

Michael couldn't bring himself to say anything, only stare at his trembling hands.

"I'm sorry," Jeremy muttered. "I didn't mean to make you mad." His voice broke at the end.

"No," Michael whispered. He met Jeremy's gaze. "I'm not mad. I could never be. I just wish you had told me earlier."

Jeremy sniffed, wiping his eyes with the cuff of his hoodie.

The continuous patter of rain seemed to fill the silence between them.

Finally, Jeremy spoke.

"I don't deserve you," he said with a shrug.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're...so good to me, and all I do is complain about my life and freak out over nothing," Jeremy rushed, his breathing becoming significantly harsher.

The voice in his head telling him he was horrible was so loud, and Jeremy just needed everything so slow down, and he was sohorrible, and _noonewilleverevereverlovehim_ , and _everythingistooloud_ , and _whycanthefuckingbreathe_ , and he's _horriblepatheticugly_ and deserves to _diediedie_ and-

"Jeremy."

A still voice.

A life vest amidst the thrashing waves.

A rope to pull him back in.

Something for him to grasp on to, to remind him that someone is there. Michael.

Michael took Jeremy's hands. "I'm here," he whispered. "And I'm not going anywhere, ever. Please breathe, Jer."

"I'm...scared," Jeremy wheezed.

Michael cupped Jeremy's face in his hands.

"I will carry everything that holds you down, Jeremy. I swear it."

And at that time, an unknown force seemed to control Michael. He leaned over to the passengers seat, and pressed a quick, light kiss to Jeremy's forehead.

The world seemed to slow as the breath hitched in Jeremy's throat.

Ocean eyes met chocolate eyes.

Jeremy slowly shifted forward, connecting their lips.

The kiss wasn't anything extraordinary; it was slow, careful, as if one wrong move would send the other running. It was as if something had been opened between the two.

Light and color seemed to pour in, and Michael softly chuckled as Jeremy desperately clung to his hoodie.

As the kiss deepened, Jeremy tilted his head, causing Michael's glasses to poke him in the eye. Jeremy leapt back with a squawk, looking horrified.

Michael snorted, causing a fit of nervous giggles to erupt from Jeremy's mouth.

"Was that...okay?" Jeremy carefully asked.

Michael intertwined their hands, hope and joy filling him all at once.

"More than okay," he whispered.

Jeremy softly smiled and rested his head on Michael's shoulder, closing his eyes. Michael gently ran his fingers through his best friend's (boyfriend's?) hair, trying to savor each second of this moment.

"We'll be okay, Jeremy," he murmured. "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a trip. Hope it was okay. Please comment if you liked it or want me to continue (I can't tell you how happy comments make me oml). Thank you for reading, have a good day!


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